So what if I wear socks with my sandals? You don’t like that? Then arrest me. Cancel me. Call me a deplorable. Rat me out to Anna Wintour. I don’t care. I believe in freedom of fashion. I believe in rugged individualism. I believe in America, the land of the footloose and fancy-free!
All my life I’ve been vilified by fashionistas, who insist that wearing socks with sandals violates the fundamental laws of fashion, puritanical podiatry and Aristotelian aesthetics. Do you want to know what really violates aesthetics? My small toe. It’s a terrifying sight, and I don’t want to submit myself to ridicule by publicly exposing it, anymore than I would want to expose Al Pacino or Daniel Craig by taking off their toupees.