What Hollywood isn’t telling us about the end
Psst. Did you hear? The End is near. I’m not talking about the end of summer sales days, I’m talking about The End of planet Earth.
I’m convinced Hollywood knows something about this and is keeping the truth from us the way they covered up for Harvey Weinstein. Every month, the entertainment industry comes out with another movie about the apocalypse that involves aliens, infinity stones, zombies, pandemics, angels and demons, deadly viruses and bacteria, asteroids and ancient powers, not to mention a three-headed monster named King Ghidorah.
Luckily, we’re protected by the X-Men, the Justice League, the Guardians of the Galaxy, the Avengers and the Suicide Squad — not to be confused with the Squad — and another unlikely good guy named Godzilla.
Many of us grew up in a time when we genuinely feared The End was around the corner. I remember wandering the streets of Greenwich Village, listening to folk singers singing the “Eve of Destruction” and seeing bearded protesters dressed like John the Baptist parading through Washington Square with placards that said, “Repent! The End Is Near!”
The signs were everywhere. The Russians were stockpiling hydrogen bombs (and so were we), the Vietnam War was escalating, and the Beatles released “Abbey Road,” which gave us the bad news that Paul McCartney was dead and the fellow who claimed to be Paul was actually a clone or an alien from another planet. ICE didn’t bother to check his visa.
And who can forget the Cuban Missile Crisis, when school kids nationwide prepared for a nuclear disaster by huddling in the hallways with their hands over their heads. Until recently, I never realized the role that mutant superheroes played in preventing nuclear annihilation during the Cuban Missile Crisis.
After watching the movie “X-Men: First Class,” I learned, through the release of previously classified information obtained by Hollywood, that the X-Men, and not the Kennedy administration, had saved the day. Why didn’t they teach us that in social studies? (I think this is what is referred to as “fake news” or maybe “fake history.”) Pretty soon, activists will be protesting to have The Kennedy Center for the Arts renamed the X-Men Center.
With the way U.S. history keeps getting rewritten, your kids and grandkids will be reading about the exploits of Mystique, Wolverine, Magneto and Professor X, not to mention how Captain America stopped the Nazis and Wonder Woman ended World War I.
I saw a few headlines recently that made me worry whether the End Times are upon us. Planet 9, aka Planet X, the real or unreal planet on the fringe of our solar system, is causing strange things to happen that no one can explain. Is it Magneto? Is it Elvis? What’s going on?
Then, there was a widespread power outage in Manhattan and no one knows what caused it. The good news is Mayor Bill de Blasio dealt with the crisis by campaigning for president in Iowa. The other good news is that miracle lover Marianne Williamson is running for president under the motto, “All you need is love!”
Nature is trying to tell us something. Any day now, the supervolcano under Yellowstone National Park may erupt. There are tornadoes, floods, hurricanes and earthquakes in California, South America and Indonesia, and everyone is afraid California will finally tumble into the sea.
Plus, Mexico had to bring in the army after a ferocious storm left homes and businesses in Guadalajara buried under FIVE FEET of hail. Fifty vehicles were swept away, 457 houses were damaged and a dozen people suffered hypothermia.
“I’ve never seen such scenes in Guadalajara,” Jalisco Gov. Enrique Alfaro Ramirez told Agence France-Presse. “These are never-before-seen natural phenomena.”
People are scared and don’t know what to do. I’m reminded of that line by Seth Rogen in the movie, “This Is the End,” when he confesses, “I haven’t lived my life as if there’s a God.” Has anyone?
Only the Kardashians can save us now ... with a little help from their friend Godzilla.
Joe Pisani can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.