Let’s try something else.
You know that whole locking your car doors thing?
Don’t worry about it.
Asking residents to lock their car doors appears to be ineffective.
Make sure you leave all of your valuable possessions in your car first, though.
Leave the golf clubs in full view in the back seat.
Maybe the iPad or iPhone 25 charging away in the front seat.
The Macbook? That can wait till tomorrow morning, right? Leave it on the front seat.
You know that $500 cash you leave in the console for emergencies? That will be just fine in your glove compartment.
The watch. The jewelry. The designer clothes you forgot to bring to the dry cleaner.
So don’t lock your doors.
In fact, why not just leave the key or the key fob on the dashboard?
Don’t lock your doors.
Because if you did, what would the police have to do?
They might actually do critical work investigating the drug dealers that are invading this town, surrounding towns and this state.
They might actually have more time to stop a violent crime or thwart a burglary or protect the weak and innocent.
Who needs that, right?
If you locked your doors, it might prevent a dangerous car chase through three or more Fairfield County towns.
It might prevent the possibility someone innocent or a police officer could get injured in that car chase.
It might be an obstacle in luring criminals who bring narcotics and weapons into Darien, knowing that it is easy prey on every block.
Locking your doors might stop the chance that a civilian or a law officer could get killed in the process of finding your car you left unlocked.
So please, Darien, don’t lock your car doors.
Don’t secure your possessions. Don’t use a minimal amount of regard for your expensive possessions that others risk their lives to recover for you.
Because, after all, that’s their job, right?
What else do they have to do?
Really — don’t worry about it at all.
You already don’t.